


The secret affair of Severus Snape

by celiinen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Affairs, Death, F/M, Loss, Loss of Virginity, Love, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 00:43:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celiinen/pseuds/celiinen
Summary: This is the story of, perhaps, the best kept secret of Hogwarts. Severus Snape's secret relationship to Noelle Clearance.Noelle is at her final year at Hogwarts when she pursues a relationship with her professor. At first, the affair must be kept secret to avoid a scandal, but soon it becomes apparent, that it has to remain a secret, in order to not compromise Severus' position as a double agent for the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix. Things get even more complicated for Noelle, as she learns that Severus is still in love with a woman who has been dead for 10 years, forcing her to live with the jealousy towards a woman that is no longer alive.The story is first and foremost a tragedy of love, but also about coping and moving on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So first I want to thank you for your interest in this story! This is my first fanfiction novel. I am very nervous about posting it, and I really hope you will leave a comment of feedback, even if you decided to stop after the first chapter cause you found it dumb, I'd still love to know that, don't be shy! I am not very humble about my work, and will not easily be offended. Personally I'm worried it got too corny. 
> 
> Anyway, I will share my thoughts on my work right here in the author's notes, but feel free to skip that and go straight to the story.
> 
> I have tried to stay loyal to original book, not changing much, but simply adding the untold story.
> 
> The character of Severus Snape, obviously, inspired me to write this novel. In the movie, he is played by Alan Rickman, who arguably is quite the silver fox in his own sexy way, however in the book, Severus is actually a young man of 31. I guess I've always related a lot to him, being a bit of an outcast in my young days. I guess that made me empathize with and intrigued with this character in particular. However I also thought Severus' deserved a bit of... action. Arguably he is not exactly described as a womanizer by J.K, however he is young, successful, smart, dark and mysterious and also he is into dark magic, which I suppose make him a little bit naughty (Wink wink). so I thought it weird that he should never had had a relationship with a woman, he definitely has some desirable sides to him, and this is part of why I introduced him to Noelle. 
> 
> Introducing a(nother) woman to Severus is sensitive, as his whole story is built up around being desperately in love with Lily Potter. This love between Noelle and Severus is not intended to replace his love Lily, in fact it is much more an attempt to enhance the love he had for Lily, and the lengths he'd go for that, I will not speak more of this in fear of spoiling, but I guess might become clear by the end of this story. But I will not spoil that now! 
> 
> The character of Noelle is largely inspired by professor McGonagall, whom I've always thought to be really impressive, a strong, smart, intelligent and powerful woman. There were other reasons, which might become clear to you as you read this novelle. Knowing that Mcgonagall had nieces and nephews, and that these visited McGonagall in Hogsmeade, but not knowing anything about them, it made perfect sense to introduce this to this story. So I made McGonagall the great aunt of Noelle.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for your interest, I really hope you enjoy the story. Pleaaase leave a comment, no matter how you felt about this story.

It was one of those rainy days in the beginning of the fall. Noelle was at her last year at Hogwarts. Not a particularly popular girl, though her looks were unmistakably in her favor. A blonde blue-eyed Slytherin girl with wavy hair and a freckled nose. Noelle was a good girl, aspiring to work at the ministry of Magic, and very likely to, considering her grades. Noelle was not particular popular among her fellow students, but not particular unpopular either. She got along with everybody, her friendships were often politically and calculating, after all, she was a Slytherin. Among the teachers Noelle was generally popular. She was flattering, borderline a teacher’s pet, but with a sincerity and an honesty that distinguished her and made her thought of as a well behaved and charming young woman.

She had noticed him, pretty much ever since she started school - Well she had to, he was her teacher, but now having turned 18, she found it to be appropriate to pursue her crush. He was a bitter man, Severus, except of course when she caught him gazing at her, she would smile at him, and he would smile briefly, then look away, as if he had never admired her. It was obvious to her, that her occasional flatter and excuses to touch him, both amused and confused him, so this had almost turned into a game for her. Noelle was deeply in love with her professor, though she knew he was to proper to ever give in to her droplets of temptation and pursue her.

You might think a woman like Noelle was a woman with many conquests behind her, but in fact she was not. She had been seeing Charlie Weasley from Gryffindor around their fourth year at Hogwarts, but when he had been picked as seeker for Gryffindors quidditch team, their relationship had had a natural ending, it had not been particularly popular for a Slytherin or a Gryffindor to fraternize with the enemy. It was just the same, the popularity had gone to her head, Noelle thought.

This was the first time she had really been in love. She could be mistaken, but she thought to have seen passion in her teachers eyes from time to time.

No, Severus was a decent man, not the kind of man who would break the rules, and especially not at the cost of his job, and perhaps it was this kind of honor, that attracted Noelle to this particular man, in spite of his age.

She decided to have a go at it, after all, when the school year ended she would likely never see him again and that thought seemed almost unbearable to her. When her potions class had finished, she stayed behind. "Go ahead, I need to talk to the professor" She told her friends, and then she made her way to his office. Her heart was racing.

"What brings you to my office miss Clearance" the professor said in a very disinterested manor, not even lifting his eyes from his writing.

Noelle felt chills going down her spine, perhaps this had been a bad idea. "I guess, I was wondering if you could have a look at my potion, sir. Something is not quite right about it".

He sent her a penetrating gaze, as if he expected to be set up for mischief, but then he got up from his chair and followed her back into the classroom to look at her cauldron.

"What seems to be the matter miss Clearance". She put her hand on top of his, and for a second he jumped. "professor, I was wondering, if I could ask your personal opinion, on a matter"

"I suppose that depends on the matter". His voice was cold and strict.

"I - I am the matter"

"You mean your academic performance". He sounded confused.

"No" Noelle hesitated "I was wondering if..." Struggling with the words she leaned over, grabbed him on the back of his head and kissed him passionately.

He gazed at Noelle in utter shock. She felt her head get hot red as she pulled away from him "I'm terribly sorry" she muttered "I see I have taken you off guard, I thought you might have taken an interest in me on a more personal level"

"You are my student" he said in shortness of breath.

"Well, if you should happen to… change your mind about me. I will be happy to hear, let us never speak of this again" She said in one short breath. Noelle ran out of the door, turned a corner and rested herself against the wall, thinking of the embarrassing display she had just made. She took a deep breath, pushed her palms into the wall, and then kept on with her daily activities, trying her hardest to forget what she had just done.

But someone who could not forget, was Severus. petrified by Noelle’s word, he stood unable to move for several minutes. It had been years since he had last kissed a girl, little a girl almost half his age with such juvenile beauty. In truth he had noticed Noelle’s beauty, and her flirting gazes, but he had merely thought this to be the amusement of immature teenage girls, taking advantage of their newly found adulthood and the body that came with that - Perhaps in attempt to win a better grade. Perhaps this was it, was she making a fool of him? Would he find her laughing with her friends down the hallway, having won a contest of dare? Surely not.

The next time he saw her, surely, he would get to the bottom of it. "miss Clearance, please stay to clean the tables" he commanded, and so Noelle stayed, in utter fear for what confrontation might lay ahead. Her hands were shaking as she wiped the table "professor, I am deeply sorry..." she began, but he silenced her with a hand "I will not be subjected to this game of yours, miss Clearance, I am your teacher, and should thus be treated with respect." Noelle looked at him with awe, and then stepped close to him. She grabbed his hand "Sir, if you in any way think my intentions have not been sincere, I do apologize. There is no game, sir. I am terribly embarrassed, but I promise you, my feelings - And my intentions, were never dishonest. I admire and respect you deeply. Make no mistake. I adore you" She whispered the last words.

Struck by her words, an impulse arose in the 30-year-old man, as he leaned towards her and returned her passionate kiss. Shocked by his lack of self-control he threw himself back, turned on his heels and said in a loud clear voice "that would be all miss Clearance!" he walked quickly to his office and closed the door.

For a while, nothing happened, except a glance and even a smile, which for Severus was a big thing, but mostly he seemed to avoid Noelle and the temptation that came with her, being overly polite and cold to her.

Noelle was dissatisfied with this. His kiss had left her hungry for him. Therefore, she arrived early for potions on a Friday. It was one of those frosty and dark afternoons, at which the crypt almost seemed cozy. Her teacher was still in his office and suddenly she found herself knocking on the door "Yes" an irritated voice replied. Noelle snug into his office "I was hoping to find you early" she went beside him, and carefully stroke his cheek with the palm of her hand. "this has to end miss Clearance". She leaned forward and ran her fingers through his hair and unto his chest, then whispered into his ear "I will leave, if you ask me to leave" He closed his eyes, at her gentle touch. "No" he gasped and grabbed her wrist. In one quick motion, he pushed her body against the wall, framing it with his own. As he kissed her, he allowed his hands to feel her waist, and then move under her shirt. Her warm, soft skin was like aphrodisiac. The laces on her bra was tempting him. She moaned gently, and he took this as an invitation. He let his finger find her nipples hard from the goosebumps from his touch. As most young women, her breasts were young, soft and firm.

Suddenly noises were heard from the classroom. Severus pulled away, but she quietly pulled him back in her arms and merged his fingers. She guided his hand to her thighs. He did not resist, and he was excited, she could tell. A loud bump from the classroom broke the silence. "We better stop" The professor whispered as Noelle let go of one him. She smiled at him and he smiled back, but still shocked by his own lack of self-restraint. Noelle buttoned her shirt, and quickly fixed her hair and clothes, to not make any suspicion "Thank you professor" she said as she opened the door to the classroom but sent him a smile only he could see. As soon as the door opened, professor Snape replied, "you are welcome miss Clearance" and his smirk to turn into a mask of frown.


	2. Chapter 2

This event kick-started the passionate and forbidden relationship between Noelle and her potions master. They would find excuses to discretely touch each other in the classroom and on the hallway. The professor would find ways to insult Noelle’s potions as to not raise suspicion of the affair, but she took this as a display of sarcastic humor, which she both understood and loved.

One night in December, Noelle found herself unable to sleep. She got up from her bed and started wandering the corridors. She was headed for the third floor, the restricted floor. She wanted to take a peak. After all, this would be her last chance at doing something forbidden. She had never really been in trouble in her seven years at Hogwarts, but now she had gotten a taste for crime. Fate however, wanted things differently. Her mission was cut short. She ran into her potions professor "And what are you doing out of bed at this hour, miss Clearence" she noticed the excitement in his eyes having caught a student in the act of mischief, even if that student was Noelle. "actually, I was headed to the infirmary" she lied "I'm not feeling well". His eyes changed to concern "what seems to be the matter?" he asked "The flu, I guess" Noelle lied. "Very well" he muttered "I have something that might help you with that, follow me, if you will" and so she did. 

She followed him down to the crypt. 

Noelle had changed her plan at the luck of finding her beloved professor at this hour. Noelle sat down on his desk, as he searched his storage for the potion. Noelle took her cloak of, revealing a short night gown in pink silk. It was slightly see-through revealing her white lace underwear underneath. 

Professor Snape turned around and as his eyes fell on her, he dropped both his jaw and his potion. "I think I'm feeling better already" she said. Snape starred at her in disbelief, as if she was a ghost "You haven't had the potion yet". Noelle smiled at him "In that case I am very impressed, professor. It must be a powerful potion" She laughed. She grabbed his arms and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her. 

They were all alone and would not be disturbed for hours. Professor Snape had a feeling that their affair would be consummated this night, but suddenly Noelle whispered "I'm not sure how to do this, professor". He saw that she was nervous and her hands were shaking as she removed his cloak. Then he kissed her, and slowly lifted the pink silk dress from her frame. He caressed her soft skin, and Noelle felt incredibly safe in his presence. She continued to remove his clothes, until he was standing shirtless in front of her. She pressed her skin against his, and he unhooked her bra. She removed his pants and gazed at his naked body. His body was not particularly fit, but she found herself desiring it. Professor Snape lifted Noelle of the table and placed her on his cloak on the floor, then he placed his body on hers. Her skin was warm, soft and firm. Everything seemed unreal, as their affair was sealed in the cold crypt. Snape woke her up "Miss Clearance" he whispered into her ear "You must leave now" Noelle woke up, then she kissed him, it was like a dream that neither of them particularly wanted to wake up from. She smiled at the thought of what had happened, and he smiled at her. It was rare to see the professor smiling so genuinely, but here he was. It seemed as if his walls had been breached. She put on her night dress and cloak and looked at her professor as he was getting dressed. He was tall and his shoulders were broad she noticed. She wanted to disappear in his arms. Noelle wanted to stay at the crypt and replay the night, but she had to leave before the students got up for breakfast. As she was about to leave, she turned and whispered quietly "I love you, Professor", but he did not hear it.

You might think this affair was only physical, but it was much more. A deep friendship developed between the lovers. The couple shared an interest in dark magic. Noelle was curiously listening to her professor, as he told her about the mysteries of the dark arts, and she shared her opinion and thoughts. Noelle was interested in potions, and privately they would brew and discuss how to create new potions with desired effects. It was rare that Professor Snape laughed, but with Noelle it seemed to happen more often. Her humor was dark and sarcastic, which Snape greatly appreciated. She had a certain beauty about her ways and especially her magic, she created enchanted potions filling the room with light in different colors. And although professor Snape was a very serious man, she was able to tease her professor in such a heartfelt way, that he even appreciated it.

One night the professor asked Noelle to meet him in the Astronomy tower after curfew, and so Noelle found herself in the tower gazing at a million shiny stars above them, as they lay naked under the covers. She fiddled with the hairs on his chest, as she shared her dreams and ambitions with him "What will you do if we ever get caught?" she asked. He smiled faintly "I will be fired. And I will probably never work as a teacher again". Noelle lay her head on his chest, and he gently stroke her hair "Is it worth that risk?" she asked. He lifted her chin with his index finger and looked into her eyes in all seriousness "Absolutely". 

Noelle ran her fingers down to his arm where the mark of a skull reviled itself "I lost my parents to Death Eaters" she confessed to him, reminded by the symbol. He looked at her in fear of what she might be thinking. He turned his arm, as if he could make it unseen, by removing it from her sight.

He was out of words. "I guess you weren't really a Death Eater" she whispered. She rested her head on his chest again "Or they would have sent you to Azkaban". For a moment Severus was quiet, not knowing what to say, but then he told her the truth of how he had been a double agent. "I think you are very brave" Noelle whispered and kissed him.


	3. Chapter 3

Shortly after Christmas Noelle found herself at the hospital wing talking to madame Pomfrey. She had been under the weather for quite some time, throwing up and feeling excruciatingly tired. She had even snapped at her beloved professor, who in the end convinced her to seek medical attention for her aliments. 

"I do not believe this to be a magical issue" Madame Pomfrey concluded "forgive me dear, but I have to ask you, is there any chance you might be - Pregnant?". Noelle felt the blood running from her face, and white dots started to appear before her eyes "God! ... No! Maybe?". It didn't take much testing for Madame Pomfrey to reach a conclusion. 

"You just wait here a minute, child" she said to Noelle as she started racing out of the hospital wing 

"Wait! What does that mean!? Where are you going!? Madame Pomfrey?" but she was already gone. 

The next minutes felt like hours, while Noelle's head was racing with fear. What would happen? Would she be expelled now?! She only had six months left of the semester, and how about Severus? And how would this even work? Her head was racing with thoughts and she regretted ever coming to the infirmary. 

Madame Pomfrey returned with Professor McGonagall at her side "Oh you, stupid girl" she said, but her eyes were filled with empathy and concern "Who is the boy responsible for this?". Noelle, looked out the window "I... Don't know professor". 

Minerva McGonagall was head of Gryffindor, but also a distant relative of Noelle. Professor McGonagall's brother Robert Jr. was Noelle's Grandfather. He died along with his daughter, Noelle's mother almost 15 years ago in the first wizard war. Noelle did not remember either of them much. 

"What do you mean, you don't know? Who is the father, child?" McGonagall said

"I don't know." 

"Surely you must know who... Oh by Merlin, you can't possibly tell me you don't know! Whomever you're covering for, young lady, should be faced with the consequences of their actions. You should not be alone with this. What will the school board say!?"

But Noelle looked away, pale as a ghost, desperate to get out of the interrogation "May I be excused?" 

"Surely we'll have to involve headmaster, and professor Snape in this matter" 

"Professor Snape!? Why!?" 

"as head of Slytherin house he should be involved," 

"Right - But I am an adult! I am eighteen" Noelle insisted 

"As long as you are a student here, you are our responsibility miss Clearance." She then turned to madame Pomfrey and ended the discussion "I trust your absolute discretion, Poppy" madame Pomfrey nodded. 

The only person paler than Noelle, was professor Snape, as he sat down in front of Noelle and next to McGonagall and Dumbledore. He seemed to have lost his speech. 

"I think, it would make sense for miss Clearance to finish her semester at Hogwarts" Professor Dumbledore muttered "now the problem is with the school board". 

"Yes!" McGonagall proclaimed, "Miss Clearance, you must tell us which young man is responsible". 

"I'm sorry" Noelle mumbled. 

"Whomever he is, he is equally responsible for your situation miss Clearance" McGonagall repeated. 

Noelle’s eyes briefly met professor Snape's. 

"I am afraid, he's not a student at this school, professor" Noelle replied, thinking this would solve the issue. 

McGonagall did not give up so easily "It is not just a matter of publicity miss Clearance. It is for your own sake" 

"The boy is a muggle. I met him on the winter holidays. I wish nothing more to do with him." Noelle lied.

Finally, professor Snape broke in "I think it might be better to keep this from developing into a scandal and keep this a secret. For miss Clearances discretion." his face was still pale white. 

Albus Dumbledore stood up to leave "That is settled then". He sent professor Snape a penetrating gaze with his bright blue eyes, then he looked at McGonagall "Next year will be an important year at Hogwarts, Minerva. We cannot afford a scandal. I am sure, miss Clearance is capable of managing this situation in curtsy of the school’s reputation". He smiled at Noelle and Noelle smiled back. 

As the meeting was over, professor Snape stayed behind. Noelle sent him an uncomfortable look. As she tried to leave, he interrupted her "please stay, miss Clearance, may I have a word with you". Noelle felt the sweat breaking on her skin. She had had this feeling before, that one time she had been given detention for a sarcastic remark in McGonagall’s class, but this time it had nothing to do with that. Surely she was not more guilty than her teacher. 

"Thank you" he said gazing out the window. 

"For what?" she was surprised

"Your discretion" 

Noelle went to him and turned his head towards her "What did you expect?" she asked. He smiled "Miss Noelle, as you know, I have grown quite fond of you, and given the current events, I find it best suited that you and I... Well… Get married" He was obviously uncomfortable expressing these words. Noelle gazed into his eyes, as if to penetrate his soul, then she stroke his cheek with her hand and replied "No". "No?" he repeated. "Severus, I love you. I want you to marry me, because you love me, not because it is the appropriate thing to do". 

"I do love you, Noelle" he said and grabbed her hand. 

"No you don't, you love her" Noelle said softly "and that is okay" 

"Who?" 

"The girl, whose name you speak when you’re sleep. Lily." 

Professor Snape’s face turned almost grey by the sound of that name 

"Lily has been dead for 10 years" he replied 

"But your heart still belongs to her. I hope to marry you one day Severus, my heart is yours, and yours entirely – But I will not marry you, yet" She kissed him, and wrapped her arms around him and whispered "Maybe one day, you will be able to give your heart to me". 

Severus looked at her "What will you have me do?" 

Noelle smiled "Stay here at Hogwarts and come see me, as often as you can" 

“And where will you stay?" 

"I don't know yet". 

As Noelle’s pregnancy became obvious, the gossip started. Luckily nobody seemed to have gained knowledge of affair between Noelle and her teacher. Professor Snape overheard a group of girls discussing it, and which boy could be responsible for her situation. 

"No doubt she is covering for someone" 

"I heard he is a muggle" 

"No, I bet he is from here. I bet he has a girlfriend, It is probably Sean, he has always had an eye for Noelle. I bet his parents would flip if he brought HER home." 

"She probably doesn't know who the father is. You know these good girls often have a dark side. I bet Noelle has been around" 

Professor Snape slammed his book to the table "Thank you miss Clearwater, I do not appreciate gossip in my classroom, that is 10 points from each of you" 

"10! But professor, everybody is talking about..." 

"I will not hear one word miss Clearwater!" Professor Snape’s eyes were glowing with rage.

He felt sympathy for Noelle, but he noticed her growing ever more beautiful, as her figure changed. He lay with her. caressed her growing curves and the bump that has started to show on her. "What will I do without you here?" he asked, as he kissed her. "Your job" Noelle said and laughed heartfelt. "I want to leave it all behind" he whispered "I want to come with you". Noelle shook her head "You belong here, you told me, things are about to change at this school" Severus frowned "Yes". A moment of silence passed where nobody said a word, just coming to terms with the future. "At least marry me, Noelle" he said and continued to caress her. Noelle smiled at him "Ask me again in a year". 

The last months of Noelle’s school year were hard. The mystery of this muggle-father, that nobody had ever heard her speak of before, had turned into vile rumors, but at least the school board had not sought any involvement in her "misfortune", as it was called. 

Even in the teachers’ lounge the rumors had started to circle. The teachers were curious as to which boy might truly be responsible. Minerva McGonagall was especially curious. She cornered professor Snape as they were walking down the hallway "Of all the silly girls at Hogwarts, I've always found her to be one of the few with wit. I do not believe this rubbish about a muggle boy one bit! In fact, I checked the archives, and miss Clearance was on this very school during the winter break! She has no living family - I would know! Surely professor, you must have some idea of..." 

"Minerva! For heaven’s sake!" professor Snape shouted. He looked around to check the corridor was empty. He opened the door to an empty classroom and tilted his head as a sign for her to enter. McGonagall followed him. He closed the door behind them. 

"Minerva, I cannot hear one bit more about this nonsense!" 

"But Severus..." 

"Please Minerva! For the discretion of miss Clearance! Please leave the matter alone" 

"So you do know..." 

"Yes! And this rubbish will cost me my position if it becomes public. I am asking you for your discretion, Minerva" 

McGonagall’s face immediately filled with shock

"Severus! She's almost half your age" 

" she is 13 years younger" 

"But she is a student, Severus, your student!" 

"I can assure you that I had no intention to pursue miss Clearance. However, I have gone quite fond of her and my intentions with miss Clearance has been nothing but honest. In fact, I intend to marry her, once this is all over." 

"Does headmaster know?" 

"I think it is better to not involve him." Severus looked out the window "If it becomes publicly known, I'd prefer that he knew nothing about it. Besides, he has asked for me to fulfill an important part during the next school year, and as the Potter-boy will arrive, I think it is better, if I stay here." 

McGonagall sighed “Oh Severus” 

Following her graduation, Noelle moved into her Family's old apartment in Hogsmeade. Severus was happy about this, as this location allowed for him to visit her discretely. Noelle worked part time at the magical bakery, but Severus mostly provided for her while she was pregnant. He felt like Noelle should not be working at all in her condition. 

"It keeps me busy" she said, gasping as she landed on a chair. Her bump had grown large, and her belly button seemed to be popping out of itself – She was due soon. "Tell me about Hogwarts" She would ask him, and he would tell her about the potions class, the mischief of the students and the Potter boy, that had landed in Gryffindor house. 

Noelle smiled fainted. She had come to realize, that "the Potter boy" was the child of the mysterious Lily whom Severus secretly longed for. Severus seemed to loathe the boy. 

Noelle put her arms around him, as if to drag him from the ghosts, and this newcome reminder of the love he had lost. Maybe one day, she would be able to save him from the ghosts of his past.


	4. Chapter 4

Noelle gave birth on a cold night. The frost lay shining on the ground, as her newborns took their first gaze around the world. "Anne" she whispered to the girl "And Amon" she whispered to the boy. The birth had been long and painful, and had it not been for her employer and friend Mrs. Humble, she would have been alone. "Well done" Mrs. Humble proclaimed "you know, back in my days we all gave birth at home". Noelle smiled "Thank you Emma" she said. "Well I better get the shop open, dear. It's gonna be a hell of a day, the kids of Hogwarts should be coming today, I better get those Bimble-Buzzers in the oven". mrs. Humble left Noelle, but sent her a heartfelt smile, as they parted. Noelle looked at her children. They looked nothing alike. Amon was bald as an egg and Anne had a head full of pitch-black hair. She deeply hoped Severus would be with the lot from Hogwarts today. 

She fell asleep, exhausted from the night of labor. She was woken by a knock on the door, then it opened. "Severus?" Noelle said, but it was not. In front of her stood professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall "I'm afraid not" Dumbledore said. He sent her a reassuring smile from his halfmoon glasses "Oh please remain seated miss Clearance" he said, as Noelle tried to get up. 

"I have just been informed me of the relationship between you and professor Snape" he smiled at her "I cannot say, that I condone of this sort of thing, however, knowing Severus, you must be very special to him." Noelle smiled, touched by his words. "I hope so". Dumbledore looked around "If I had known, we'd arrive at such a happy occasion, I would have made sure to bring him and perhaps a gift" Dumbledore said. He drew his wand and a vase of flowers appeared on her nightstand. They were beautiful and she smiled at him. 

"Thank you, professor. Where is professor Snape?" 

"At Hogwarts. He has informed me, that he wishes to continue his position as master of Potions at Hogwarts, and I have decided to let him. However, this matter will require some further discretion on your part miss Clearance. Just for a few months." 

"Naturally" she smiled "I hope our arrangement in Hogsmeade is okay."

“just fine” he said and smiled gently, as he got close to study the newborn twins.

“Do you want to hold them, professor?” 

“Oh, may I?” he reached out his arms and Noelle placed Anne in his arms “This is Anne” then she placed Amon in the arms of professor McGonagall “And this is Amon”.

McGonagall smiled “Oh dear, he is absolutely wonderful” she exclaimed.

And so, it was decided, that Noelle would stay in Hogsmeade. To Noelle this suddenly felt like everything was falling into place. Severus was no longer at risk of losing his job as long as the children were kept a secret a few months longer. 

In a reasonable amount of time, she would be able to show herself publicly with her. Dumbledore sent an owl to professor Snape, as he and McGonagall prepared to leave Hogsmeade. 

It didn't take long for Severus to arrive. He did not show the curtsy of knocking. He barged in, with a facial expression that was not easy to describe "Miss Clearance!" he thundered, as had she still been a student of his. Noelle was standing with Anne in her arms "Shhh!" she said, as the tiny baby rested on her arm. Severus froze at the sight "She's your daughter. Would you like to hold her?" Severus shook his head but came close to see the tiny creature. "Hold her" Noelle didn't even wait for his reply before she placed the tiny human in his arms. First a smile, then a tear on the frozen man’s face. Noelle smiled at the sight. "This is Anne" she said, "Anne" he repeated "You are... Everything" he gasped. Noelle went to the crib and picked up her son "And this is Amon" Severus stared at her in disbelief at the sight of the little boy "Two!?" he exclaimed, and Noelle noticed him shake "Yes, he is your son". The little boy opened his dark baby eyes just a second. Another smile, then another tear. "What is that, professor?" she asked with a smirk and wiped off his tear. Severus put the baby in the crib and kissed her like she had never been kissed before "You are extraordinary" he whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

A year came and went. By this time, the twins had grown into toddlers. However, at Hogwarts things had grown dark, a whisper of a returning evil, and a warning from his headmaster, had resulted in Snape worrying for his family. He had decided to keep Noelle a secret, but was not less determined to be with her. 

One night, he brought her with him to his home in Spinner's End. As Noelle landed on the narrow streets she was struck with claustrophobia. "what is this place?" she asked. Severus took Noelle's hand "I grew up in this house" he said. "I still like to call it my home, if such a place exists. Something cold crept down Noelle's spine. "This is not a happy place" she murmured. He took her by the hand and let her inside to the narrow book-filled living room. "Were you happy here?" she asked, as she gazed around the room "Happy" he murmured "I suppose not" He then raised his voice "I brought you here because I have something to give you, please" he made a gesture for Noelle to sit down. Noelle sat down in a dusty chair and looked around, as Snape disappeared. 

Noelle felt uncomfortable, arguably the crypt of Hogwarts was not a place of fluff and comfort, but somehow, the atmosphere in this house got to her nerves, like a presence of unwelcome. Noelle did not wish to stay. She went after Severus down the dark hallways, she gazed into a room, undeniably from a young teenage version of professor Snape. The room seemed dark and cold. There was a wooden bed, a desk and a chair. posters were neatly hung on the wall along with pictures and articles about Death Eaters and dark magic from more than 10 years ago. Then she saw a picture of a girl, a red-haired girl smiling and waving at the photographer. "Lily Evans" it said. She was beautiful. Her smile was warm and heartfelt. Noelle felt a lump building in her chest. A terrible stuck of jealousy pierced her heart - This was the girl she would always compete with. "Right" Noelle muttered. Suddenly, her feet seem to take the flight for her, she just had to get out of there. She grabbed her cloak and found herself standing outside in the showering rain. She was not sure whether it was tears or rain on her face, but as she got ready to transfer herself back to Hogsmeade, a voice shouted behind her "Noelle!" 

Severus stood in the doorway. Noelle turned around a looked at him with eyes filled with heartache. "Why would you bring me here?" she asked. The sound of the rain hitting the cobbles and rooftop was deafening. Noelle was already soaked. 

Snape went to her "Noelle! come inside, it's pouring!" 

Realizing she was still holding the photograph of Lily Evans, she put it in his hand "What's the point?" 

"You are being ridiculous!" he shouted through the rain 

"Am I, now? If she was here now, who would you choose" 

Snape did not reply. He opened his arms in despair and exclaimed "She is not here, Noelle! She will never be here, Noelle! She is gone! And even if she wasn't she chose to be with someone else a very long time ago" 

"And yet she never left!" 

The frustration was painted on his face, as he screamed "Noelle! Everything I am, is yours!" 

Noelle could not tell if he was crying or it was the rain that had soaked him, but something moved inside her. 

"I may only have a broken heart left to give, but it is yours if you will have it" 

Noelle smiled. She suddenly felt ridiculous standing in the rain, shouting about love. She looked at him. He looked confused and cold. Nobody said a word, until he broke the silence "You're soaked, Noelle". 

She started laughing, then he laughed, though not really sure about what. 

Severus embraced her, and gently kissed her and lifted her off the ground to carry her inside. Noelle was shivering. Her dress had gone see-through, revealing a laced bra and inside a pair of nipples, hard from the cold rain. Her skin was bumped from the cold. He took off his cloak, with a wave of his wand he lit the fireplace, and started to undress Noelle "You will get sick, you stupid girl" he smiled and then kissed her passionately and she started to take of his wet clothes. As she pulled his naked body on top of his she stopped shivering, and as they merged Noelle felt a wave of warmth rising from her toes. "I love you" she whispered, and although the matter of Lily Evans had not been forgotten, for a moment is seemed to have vanished, even for Severus. 

Noelle woke up naked by the fire, held in her lover’s arms. She felt safe, as she looked at his face. He was sleeping. The sorrow, that she would forever share her lover with another woman, filled her, and yet somehow she accepted that. As she gazed out the window, she noticed the rain had stopped and it was starting to get dark. Noelle was struck with guilt. For a second she had forgotten, that she was a mother. She got dressed quickly, gazed one last time at Severus, then went outside to transfer herself back to Hogsmeade. 

The children were sound asleep at Mrs. Humbles. "I'm terribly sorry, Emma, I lost track of time" she exclaimed, but Emma smiled at the sight of her messy hair "Oh don't you mind dear, I too was young once, you know. I think you deserve to have love in your life, dear" 

Noelle looked at her "How did you...?" But mrs. Humble just smiled and shook her head "He is a nice young man, that Hogwarts professor. I would have to be blind not to see the way he looks at you. I may not know much about many things, but surely I know love, when I see it" 

Noelle blushed and smiled "No one can know" she said quietly, then looked at her sleeping children. 

"Well, they won’t hear it from me, dear" Mrs. Humble winked at Noelle, and then put her hand on her shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

Severus did not return to Hogsmeade before the weekend. He had been bitter since the beginning of the school year as that intolerable Gilderoy Lockhart had taken position as defense against dark arts teacher. He arrived bitter "will you believe that incompetent fool will have me assisting at a duel club" Noelle could not help but laugh "Surely, he cannot be that bad. I mean, he must be a great wizard from all the books" Snape rolled his eyes "You cannot possibly believe that rubbish" 

Noelle picked Anne up from the floor, she had grabbed hold to Severus' cloak. She placed Anne in his arms. "They believe the chamber of secrets have been opened. A student has been petrified, and they believe the Potter-boy is responsible. They say he is the heir of Slytherin" he explained. 

Noelle looked at him with disbelief, as he explained the scene of events to her. 

"it's incredible that Harry Potter seems to be unable to stay out of trouble" she mumbled "Yes" Severus agreed. 

He looked around the apartment "This place is too small for you" he mumbled. 

Noelle looked around "Are you about to suggest we come to Hogwarts?" she laughed. 

"No" Severus mumbled "I guess not, but you could stay at Spinner's End - My house" 

"No" Noelle answered "I have it well here, I would be lonely, and besides, having me stay at your house would hardly be discrete" 

"I have brought you something. I've been meaning to give it to you". He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a silver ring. It was beautiful. The silver twirled into an owl, a snake and a scorpion, circling around a green emerald. Noelle gasped "it's beautiful" she gazed at the ring. 

"It was my mother's" Snape explained "And I want you to have it, as an engagement ring". 

"You don't give up, do you?" Noelle smiled. 

In this moment Severus smiled and got on his knee "Noelle, will you, finally, marry me?". Noelle chuckled and moved her fingertips to her face. Then she replied "Yes". She wrapped her arms around him, and he lost his balance. They both tumbled onto the floor. Noelle laughed and he kissed her.


	7. Chapter 7

By the end of the school year, as the chamber of Secrets had been closed. It had become clear to Severus, that Lord Voldemort was attempting to return, and his role as a double agent might again be a reality soon. 

That reality had put him in fear for his new family. One evening, at the Hogsmeade apartment, he confronted Noelle with his concern "I do not understand, we are finally getting married, and still you want me to be your secret?" Noelle asked angrily. The pair had agreed to marry in the summer "You and the children might become hostages. If the dark lord found out, he could use you to secure my loyalty.". Noelle sighed "But Severus, he is not back.". Snape looked at her "I am afraid it is just a matter of time". Noelle couldn't help but feeling betrayed. She had been so excited to become his wife in public, no longer hiding in Hogsmeade. "Always the Potters! Lily Potter! Harry Potter!" she raged, knowing that this was unreasonable. She slammed her palms into the kitchen counter, and then left for the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. A single tear fell from her cheek, as she leaned against the door. It seemed that fate was just not on her side. The door opened and she moved away from it "Noelle, I want nothing more than to marry you, but for the sake of them (he pointed at the toddlers) you have to stay hidden. Marry me... Secretly". As she looked at her children. She knew he was right "Secretly, then" she said softly "but make no mistake, I am still furious with you. He smiled at her "I would expect nothing less". 

He kissed her neck and embraced her, and Noelle wished he would never let her go. 

The wedding was held quietly without much celebration, Only the few confidants who knew of the forbidden affair were invited. With professor Dumbledore's blessing, the wedding was held at Hogwarts where the couple had first met. The students were away on their summer holidays and everything seemed ghostly quiet. The wedding was held at the edge of the forbidden forest, while the wild flowers covered the grounds. Professor McGonagall had decorated the venue with enchanted ribbons and fairy lights which made the forest seem ever more enchanted. Professor Snape was in his best cloak, and he looked handsome. On his face he wore something rare, a smile. It seemed almost odd on his normally stiff and lifeless face. As Noelle walked down the enchanted aisle made from lights, he instantly realized just how blessed he was. She was breathtaking in her ice blue dress, matching her eyes, and with the flowers in her wavy blonde hair. To Noelle, this was everything she had dreamed of, even if it was a secret. He looked wonderful, and she was going to spend her life with him.

The summer went by quickly and blissful. The couple traveled with their children, where nobody would recognize them and for once Snape had hope that he might even mend his broken heart. Perhaps he was finally able to move on. As he gazed into Noelle’s bright blue eyes, he felt himself disappearing in them, their future was sealed. But their happiness was cut short with the news that Snape would not be filling in position as defense against dark arts teacher, but instead the position would be filled with yet another ghost from the past - Remus Lupin. 

Severus was even more outraged, as the news of Sirius blacks escape reached Hogsmeade. It felt as if, whenever he was almost ready to let the past be in the past, the ghosts came back to haunt him. Noelle felt it too. She felt how the beautiful carefree summer was replaced by a fall of worries. The sorrow in Severus eyes started to show again, and Noelle realized, his heart was still aching for Lily Potter.

Another year went by for Noelle and Severus. A hard year. As winter turned into summer and both Lupin and Black left Hogwarts, she hoped for things to change to the better. Noelle had realized, that in order to be with Snape and stay secret, she would have to disguise herself. 

Noelle had reached out to professor McGonagall, in order for her to help her become an animagus, and she agreed to help her. McGonagall would give Noelle the books necessary and follow up on her progress, but the transformation would take some time.


	8. Chapter 8

The Triwizard Tournament was about to begin at Hogwarts, and it caused much amusement to Severus, and despite occasional bumps on the road, such as when Harry Potters name was drawn from The Goblet of Fire, he seemed happy with the prospect of Potter making a fool of himself, despite his concerns about how he could have entered the competition. And naturally he had been upset that the Hogwarts champion had not been from Slytherin house. 

"I wish I could see it!" Noelle smiled by the thought "I feel like nothing interesting happens here" she sighed and looked at her children "Don't get me wrong, I love them with all my heart, but I've never seen a real dragon! Do you really think there will be real dragons?" The twins had grown into little children. Anne had her father’s hair, and her mother’s gentle face and bright blue eyes. She was a dare-devil, always up to no good. Amon was a quiet boy, and an exact replicate of his father except from the blonde hair. Snape knew his wife had been dreaming of a career at the ministry of magic and that staying hidden at home must have made her feel like trapped as a caged bird. Noelle had dreamed of working with dark magic, and found the topic enticing, that is part of the reason he had grown to love her. She was not easily scarred. 

He saw a curiosity in her eyes when she spoke about dragons. He had not seen this curiosity since she had been brewing potions with him at Hogwarts. He was struck by the idea of bringing Noelle back. He decided she could pass for a seventeen-year old, but still she might be recognized. Ideally, he had wanted her to sit by his side, as his wife, when the tournament played out, but perhaps it would be possible for her to pass for someone else. After all, even a simple disguise could make her look like anyone really, and he was master of potions. "Polyjuice potion" he mumbled. Noelle looked at him "what?" 

"I suppose you could join me, if we used polyjuice potion to disguise you". 

Noelle smiled at his mischief "professor!" she exclaimed, pretending to be shocked "Surely you are not suggesting breaking the rules" she giggled. 

"Well, I am master of potions, am I not?". 

Noelle kissed him softly "It's like the old days, when we were up to no good". The idea had lit a fire in her eyes.

A few weeks later a boy entered Mrs. Humbles bakery. Noelle recognized him immediately as Harry Potter. Noelle was stuck with a lump in her chest. Here was the boy that reminded her husband of his long-lost lover on a daily basis, the offspring of her biggest rival. She observed him carefully and somehow it soothed her just how normal he looked. He looked more like his father, which in a strange way made it no better. He would not just be a reminder of Severus' love for Lily, but also his rivalry with the boy’s father. He was clearly popular, which might be bothering Snape even more, she thought. She gazed at him, and as he went to pay Noelle felt tempted to say something to him. "Good luck" she said "With the tournament, I mean". Harry Potter smiled at her, and for a moment the fear of this boy and everything he represented faded a little. He was just a boy. 

Armed with her polyjuice potion, Noelle was excited to follow the professor to the game. She put on her old school uniform. It had gotten tighter, but she still wore it quite well at 21. She went through the secret passage at the Schrieking Shack, that professor Snape had shown her. When she reached Hogwarts, she took a sip of her polyjuice potion. She felt bubbly as she shrunk into the shape of a 14-year old muggle girl from Dufftown. Now her old uniform was large on her frame, she found herself a spot among the Slytherin students, trying to blend in. The plan seemed to have worked, and Noelle watched as the contestants met the fierce dragons, the only thing Noelle missed was her professor, who was sitting by the faculty lounge. She was absorbed by the beauty of the dragons, she gazed at them dreamily. Noelle would love to get close to them, they were utterly magnificent. Snape smiled at the sight of her when she cheered for Cedric Diggory, Noelle recognized him from her own time at Hogwarts, back then he had been younger, but even then his looks had made him hard to oversee. 

After the match Noelle had crept into Severus office. The effects of the potion had worn off. She would be able to leave discretely, as long as she was not spotted by anyone who might remember her. She kissed him "Thank you for this" she whispered. She had longed so desperately to get out of her hideout. 

As the second challenge of the tournament was about to arrive, Severus arrived furious at Noelle's home "Someone has stolen from my storage! Strangely all ingredients for polyjuice potion, I will not be able to brew potion in time" he was furious. 

"Who would do that?" Noelle asked. 

Snape slammed the door "Potter! It would not be the first time! I will report this to headmaster". Noelle thought it best not to say any further when he was in this mood 

"It doesn't matter" Noelle mumbled "Hopefully I will have other ways by then". Noelle had not told Severus about her efforts to become an animagus. She figured he would not approve of it, and besides she had secretly intended to use her disguise to sneak into her old school.

By the end of the semester Noelle had managed to turn herself into a white fox. She was now able to visit Hogwarts whenever she liked. Snape had not shown himself in Hogsmeade as often. He had been getting increasingly worried about the mark on his arm which was starting to appear clearer. He had refused to help Noelle get to see the finally of the tournament. Even with polyjuice potion, she might risk discovery and he was aware, that dark times were ahead. 

As usual Noelle did not listen to his warning and the white fox went to see the finally of the tournament. She saw how Harry Potter returned with the trophy and Cedric's body. The shock ran trough her body as she heard him say "He's back! Voldemort is back". In her heart she felt the horror of the times that were to lie ahead, and the diffuse risk, that Snape had been going on about for the past years was no longer diffuse. It suddenly all seemed very real. The white fox quickly disappeared by foot of the Whomping Willow and ran through the tunnel back to the Schrieking Shack. Noelle hurried home, she was anxious for her children and started packing her own, Severus' and the children's things. Mrs. Humble came through the door, she had been watching her children. "What is going on dear?" she asked. Noelle did not know what to reply. For a moment she had completely forgotten about Mrs. Humble. Noelle calmed herself at the sight of her"A boy died, at the triwizard tournament. They talk of you-know-who". Mrs. Humble smiled "Nonsense, he has been gone 13 years dear. Sit down, I will make you a cup of tea, don't believe those ghost stories"

Severus confirmed Noelle's worries, but he refused to leave with her and so Noelle refused to leave without him. The following year he did everything within his powers to persuade Noelle to leave Hogsmeade with the children, but she did not budge. He became increasingly tired from working at the order of the Phoenix. Noelle had wanted to join, but he would hear nothing of that "It is too risky. If anyone finds out who you are, my loyalty will be questioned". Noelle was angry with this. She did not appreciate being put on the sideline. 

In the fall, Noelle disguised herself as the white fox and went to Hogwarts in order to speak with headmaster about her options of joining the order "Surely there is something I can do!" Noelle insisted "No, Severus is right, it is too dangerous" Noelle sighed "In fact, I would like to have you and the children relocated to a hidden facility" Dumbledore proposed.

Noelle was angry "Hidden!?" she shouted "I have been hidden for the past four years!". Dumbledore looked at her and smiled "Maybe you can help with something else". 

Against Snape’s will, Noelle eventually found a position at the ministry of magic under her maiden name Noelle Clearance. She was a skilled witch and thrived with the challenges. She worked in the department of mystery and served as an informant to Dumbledore. Nothing much happened until the spring when the security was compromised. Snape was getting increasingly grumpier and more worried. His face had turned to a constant frown and Noelle found it almost impossible to lighten his mood. Especially the occlumency lessons with Harry Potter, could ruin his moods.

Officially Snape would be living in Spinner's end, however a quick glance would reveal that the home was not tended to. "Dumbledore is dying" he told Noelle on evening in Hogsmeade, his face was white "And he wants me to kill him." 

Noelle looked at him in shock "you can't do that! Tell me you're not even considering..." Snape looked at her with a begging look "I already agreed". Noelle shook her head. She refused to believe her own ears "Then tell him you've changed your mind!" Severus looked out the window "I've sworn to do it. An unbreakable oath". Noelle's jaw dropped to the floor "You did what!?" she thundered, as if he had been a child up to mischief "Why!?" Severus tried to hug her, but she pushed him away "The dark lord will trust me" Noelle was furious “And I don’t get a say in this?” she asked filled with frustration. “No” he answered. "How could you do that, Severus!?" "I have sworn to protect the boy!" he yelled back, Noelle saw was he was struggling, but she did not care. Noelle felt her heart breaking "So you're doing this for her? For Lily?" Snape looked away. Noelle was mad with rage and despair "You can't do it, demand to be released from this! If not for me, then for your children". Severus didn't speak. Noelle let a tear down her cheek, "Do we mean nothing to you?" Severus looked down, he knew he had disappointed her. He felt guilty for putting her through it, but she did not understand. Severus loved his family very much, but he would never be free from his love to Lily and his oath to protect her son, not until Voldemort had been destroyed. He looked at her and tried to grab her hand, but she swung it and hit his cheek "No!" she screamed "Don't you dare touch me!" She transformed herself into the white fox and ran away from the apartment. She turned human again by the shrieking shack, where she gazed off into the dark streets, lit up by lamps. She had never felt this hurt before. She was unbelievably frightened. 

Severus was mortified for hurting his wife. It would be months before she would speak to him again, and he suffered under her silence. He told Dumbledore he wanted to get out of the plan, but there was no turning back. It had to be done, and eventually, so it was done, and Noelle forgave him. 

Noelle quit her job at the ministry when Dumbledore died. She did not want to risk staying there, in case the ministry fell. In retrospect, this was a smart move. The twins had started seeing a tutor most of the day in order for them to learn to read and write before starting Hogwarts. Noelle would secretly visit Hogwarts in her disguise. Snape had now been made headmaster.

The mood at Hogwarts was terrible. It seemed as if a dark cloud had sunk on the school. She occasionally found the Death Eaters and students throwing curses at her whenever she was seen. After all, they thought she was a real fox. Noelle also tried to visit Severus in his office, but he was furious when he saw her. If she was spotted, she might be killed, and so he asked her never to come see him again. It was a hard year for their marriage. Noelle did not obey Snape's order to stay away from Hogwarts, and this made him angry. Noelle felt terribly alone. She wanted nothing to do with the Death Eaters, and under the impression that she was the wife of the Death Eater that had killed Dumbledore, not even professor McGonagall would talk to her anymore, even her dear friend Emma seemed to have distanced herself from her, knowing about her love-affair with the Hogwarts headmaster. Emma tried not to get involved in politics, but she still helped Noelle out of politeness, and she continued to watch the children from time to time. 

Noelle longed for her husband and the old days when they had been happy. When he visited them now he seemed so worried, that he was barely himself "It is horrible, at Hogwarts" he murmured "Not just for the students". Noelle had seen it for herself, and she was no longer angry, she knew, that Severus had to fight it and that he had to help Harry Potter. She knew her husband was a hero, and even though she would have to swallow her pride as to why he was being so heroic, and live with the fact that he had chosen Lily Potter over her, she knew that he was doing right. But she was so scared to lose him. As he spent more evenings with the Death Eaters serving Lord Voldemort, Noelle got increasingly worried. She had to prepare herself for the thought, that this war could cost him his life – And her own, and for this reason Noelle finally came to terms with staying a secret.


	9. Chapter 9

After the alarm had sounded, the rumor of Harry Potter in Hogsmeade had started to circle. Noelle gazed out the window. The Death Eaters were outside, searching. One knocked on the door. "Hide!" Noelle whispered to Anne and Amon. She stood by the door, drew her wand and said, "Who's there!?". The door burst open, and Noelle was thrown back "Leave at once!" she screamed. The man who entered had a scarred face. He smiled, twisted. "Crusio!" he shouted, Noelle blocked the spell "Leave!" she shouted "crusio!" this time the spell hit her with a terrible blast of pain. She screamed in pain. "Harry Potter has been seen in Hogsmeade. I don't suppose you know where he is hiding?" the man asked, Noelle shook her head "Are you sure?" He raised his wand again "Crusio!" Noelle screamed again "I don't know!". 

"Mom?" Amon was standing in the doorway, and Noelle's eyes filled with horror, as she saw the smile on the Death Eaters face "No!" she screamed with utter fear. "Are you really sure?" He raised his wand towards her son, and Noelle threw her body in front of his and screamed "We don't know anything! Please! I swear". The Death Eater looked at her face and smiled at the sight "very well then, mam" he put his wand away with a nonchalant movement "If you should find him, you will bring him to me, agreed?" Noelle nodded. She sighed with relief as he left. She looked at her boy "I heard you screaming mom" he said quietly "You have to stay hidden!". Noelle locked the door and barricaded it. 

Noelle sat by the window gazing to the empty streets. In the distance she saw the lights of Hogwarts. Something was going on. Anne and Amon had fallen asleep in their hideout. She was frightened. 

It would be another few hours until something happened. Someone was trying to open the door. Noelle held her wand in front of her, her hand was shaking. The door went open and Noelle screamed "Sectumsempra!" at the intruder. The curse was blocked, and that was fortunate because in the door she saw Severus’ face. Noelle put her hand on her mouth and the tears filled her eyes "I thought you were a Death Eater!" she yelled "I could have hurt you" she cried with relief. He embraced her, then looked at her with a serious face "You have to leave, now" he said. Noelle shook her head "We are not leaving without you".

"You stupid girl" his palm cupped her face. "You have to go back" Noelle said "You have to finish this" Snape nodded "Yes, there are things I must do. If we survive this night, I promise you, we will leave together. I should have been a better husband to you". Noelle smiled "We don't choose who we love". He knew what she meant. "You were never really my husband to begin with". Snape looked at her, and he knew she was right, but it broke his heart that she would never really understand just how much he loved her. He had loved her, but he had already given his heart to another woman many years ago. Suddenly Snape’s face changed, he looked at his arm "He's calling me. Take the children and leave! Now!" Noelle looked at him "Severus" she hesitated "If we survive this night, you will have another child". He kissed her on the forehead "Then let's agree to survive it" He looked towards the Schrieking Shack and then left "Go! I will find you", then he transferred away. "No way" Noelle mumbled. She woke the children "Anne! Amon!" they looked at her "You have to stay here, stay hidden" she whispered "Do not come out until I get you. Don't open the door to anyone, do you understand me?" The children nodded. Noelle left the house and sealed the door with every protection spell she knew. She hesitated by the thought of leaving her children in the apartment, but Hogsmeade had gone silent now. The Death Eaters had left for Hogwarts. Noelle turned to the white fox and headed for the Shrieking Shack. She heard voices. 

Noelle saw Harry Potter leaving the Shrieking shack, and that is when she found him lying on the floor. as she saw him lying there, she felt her heart stopping in her chest. At first she thought, that Harry Potter had killed him, until she saw the bite on his neck. She transformed back to human. "No! Severus!" Her eyes filled with tears as she sat down "No, no!" she held on to the snake bite and tried to stopped the bleeding "Vulnera Sanentur" she started chanting. The spell seemed to be working, the color slowly returned to Severus face, and Noelle smiled "Noelle" he whispered as he saw her, her eyes filled with tears from relief "I am right here" she whispered "You're safe", but the wound opened again "Severus! What's happening" Noelle started chanting again, but as soon as the wound healed it opened again "Severus! It's not working" Noelle cried with desperation in her voice he took her hand "cursed" he whispered, as the color started to fade from his body again. Noelle knew the healing spell would not work on cursed wounds. "NO! I am going to heal you! I can't go on without you! And the twins" she desperately placed her hands on the wound and tried to stop the bleeding "No! My love! Please don't!" It felt as if her heart and dreams shattered in her very chest. Her soul filled with the deepest despair as she desperately grabbed his hand "Severus!" she cried, and the tears ran down her face. He slowly opened his eyes, and looked into her eyes. He tried to say something, but he was too weak. "No!" she cried again "I love you! Stay here!". She felt him weakly squeezing her hand as he whispered "love". Her heart sank "No!" she screamed and tried to shake him. She padded him on the cheek "Don't you dare die on me!" she screamed, on his face she saw that rare smile. His face was unbelievable pale. She raised her wand, desperately screaming "HEAL!" she cried "LIVE!", but of course nothing happened. She screamed with the full force of her lungs. She looked at him "I need you!" she whispered. But he was gone. She screamed again, and again, with a scream that could be heard from all over Hogsmeade. She held his head to her chest, desperately burying her fingers in his hair as she wept for her him. Her heart was empty, like she would never feel joy again. She screamed again in the sheer terror of the reality. She screamed again, and this time she felt the earth quaking from her all-consuming sorrow. She cried so heartfelt, "You stupid man!" she said to his body "You ridiculous man! You spend your life desiring dead woman, and now I shall spend the rest of my life desiring a dead man" she hugged him tight and buried her face in his hair, as if she could cling him to her life if only she squeezed him tight enough. But his body went cold in her arms, as she wept. Noelle finally let his body go, as she gazed with rage towards the direction Harry Potter had left for. She was going to make sure this ended as it was supposed to. She was no longer afraid of being discovered, and she no longer wanted to run away, it was time for Noelle to join the fight. She ran. The rage consumed her, as this was the only thing she could feel. For the past years the fear of this evil, had caused her so much unhappiness, forced her to live as a secret, and yet in the end it had made no difference, it was all for nothing, Lord Voldemort had taken her future from her. He might as well have killed her, but as she finally arrived at Hogwarts, she only arrived in time to see Lord Voldemort being destroyed.

Noelle's heart sank. What would she do now?

She had nothing left to do but grieve and she fell to the ground. Noelle found herself petrified unable to move from the spot where she had fallen. It was professor McGonagall that put her hands on her "Noelle" she said with a voice of surprise, but as Noelle looked at her with the tears in her eyes, there was no doubt about what had happened "He is gone, professor" Noelle's voice broke "He is gone" McGonagall helped her to her legs "Oh my dear girl" she took her in her arms, it did not matter who her husband had been, McGonagall empathized with her, being a widow herself. This act of kindness had Noelle weeping on her shoulder, scared that she would never be able to stop again. She grabbed on to her great aunt, as if to make sure, that she was awake and that this night had not just been a nightmare. But it was real, and so many lives were lost that night.

Noelle gave birth to the last child of Severus Snape in the fall. Officially now the widow of Severus Snape and Snape being cleared of all crimes, she found it only appropriate to name her son after his father. As they stood by his grave in Hogsmeade, Noelle told her children Anne, Amon and Severus about their father and how heroically he fought in the Wizard wars. Eventually, Anne and Amon were recognized as the official children of Severus Snape and changed their names into Anne and Amon Snape. 

Staying in Hogsmeade turned too painful for Noelle. The memories of her husband, the Schrieking Shack and Hogwarts had grown strange and haunting to her, as a constant reminder of how her children were to grow up without a father, and how she was to grow old without the love of her life. She desperately yearned for him. It seemed impossible, that her life could every go back to normal. 

In the fall Noelle reached out to her old classmate Charlie Weasley who had traveled to study dragons in Romania. A year after Severus' death Noelle went to work with him and stayed there for many years. 

Noelle returned to Spinner's End when the twins got accepted into Hogwarts. It was five years after their father's death. The house seemed ever more haunted and neglected, as nobody had touched it for years. Noelle was 29 years. How many hours had she not spent wasted on her jealousy towards Lily Evans. She started to pack down Severus' belongings, somehow, she had not been ready to do this until now. She packed his mountains of books and his pictures. She was going to keep them. Noelle smiled as she picked them up one by one. The happy memories of her marriage started to appear in her memory, the passion and the love they had. The tears started to run down her face, as Severus jr. entered the room. He was an exact replicate of his father. Noelle smiled at him "Oh I wish you could have known him", Anne and Amon both remembered their father, they had been 6 years when he was murdered, but they had not known that he was their father until after his death. Noelle picked up the photo of Lily Evans and looked at it. Her bitterness towards her was gone. Noelle knew that it was Severus' love for her that had caused his death in the end, but somehow, she forgave him. Noelle had always known Severus was a brave man. She remembered the night in the astronomy tower, when she first had learned that. Noelle kissed her son "It is going to be just you and me for a while now" Noelle gazed out the window and for a moment she felt tempted to simply stay in Spinner's end and absorb her husband’s home, perhaps a bit of his soul was still hidden somewhere here, but she did not. 

Noelle and Charlie made a great team, and the following years they moved to study a colony of dragons in Sweden. Noelle was happy with Charlie although their relationship was strictly platonic for the first few years. Seven years after Severus' death she married again, and this time to Charlie Weasley. They had one child together, a daughter named Molly. 

It was at a family gathering Noelle got to meet Harry Potter for the first time. He had fathered three children and the youngest was named after Severus. Noelle had always wondered what she would tell this potter-boy if she ever met him. She had heard so much about him from Severus, mostly bad. She had occasionally blamed him for her husbands death, but somehow meeting him she was able to make peace with him - He was not that bad after all. 

Noelle was talking to Harry one evening “I spent so much time, being so jealous of your mother” she confessed “I think it is only now that I am fully able to let that go”

Harry looked at her “Why is that?” Noelle smiled “I know how he felt. I will never stop yearning for Severus and I will never stop loving him, but I also love Charlie now and nothing will ever change that. I don’t love Charlie less because I’m still in love with Severus. If Charlie was to leave me now, I would be just as heartbroken. I always thought of this as a competition between me and your mother, but never was.” Noelle sighed “wherever he is now, I hope he is with her” she smiled.


End file.
